A short bone to pick...

I have a bone to pick. With formal shorts. For those of you who aren't familiar with this horrific trend, here's a picture that I like to call "When Formal Shorts Attack":


I don't think I need to explain why this outfit is hellacious. As my girls on GoFugYourself.com so graciously pointed out, "...the fact that if you're out on the town wearing a sleeveless top and shorts so short that a Nair commercial could break out at any moment, you might not need the scarf. Just a theory."

But let me delve deeper into why I cannot embrace formal shorts into my wardrobe - the same wardrobe that contains cowboy boots (though not UGGs), and several pairs of $200 jeans. (admittedly it also contains one pair that I bought from the back of a green van outside Bloomingales - but that's neither here nor there)

Only two types of people can pull off formal shorts and, for the record, NEITHER KIND is a frequent rider of the NYC transit system (God help us all):

1. Ring bearers at a wedding. Little formal shorts with a little formal tuxedo jacket on a 5 year old - CUTE. Same little formal shorts (and I do mean same - pretty sure they're the same size) on 200 pound Puerto Rican women who insist on squeezing in next to you on the train - NOT CUTE.

2. Supermodels. They can wear a potato sack tied on with a polish sausage belt and make it look good. I hate them.

So if you're not a ring bearer or a supermodel, leave the formal shorts in the juniors' department. Just walk away. Walk away and no one gets hurt.