Dancing With The Stars is back!

Heather Mills' publicist is a bleeping rockstar. The bitch is the most hated woman in the UK and yet she's got a crowd of tubby midwesterners giving her a standing ovation on last night's season premiere of Dancing With The Stars. (Hooray! It's back!)



And the best part - other than the fact that every other sentence is about how BRAVE she is and how her prosthetic leg may pop off at any minute - is that they describe her as a political activist. They forgot the whole "ex-porn star" part. They forgot about the money grubbing ex-wife of Paul McCartney part. But that's neither here nor there.

I would also like to discuss the fact that Joey Fatone from N*Sync is on this season.



Clearly he has my vote. Boy banders at my fave - next to former child stars. (Read: Mario Lopez)

Also on this season, the very weird and pointy looking Apollo Anton Ohno, Olympic medalist speed skater.



I can't quite figure out what makes him so odd looking. (Teeth? Soul patch? Eyebrows?) But I will give the boy props - he can shake a tail. With a little work he could be a contender. He also wins the award for "Most Likely to Hook Up With His Partner" - she is a 20 year old Christina Aguilera wannabe who's melting his spandex pants with her eyes.

Clearly Apollo's no match for my main man Joey, but he could be a close second.

No wait. Make that third. Ian Ziering, Steve from 90210 is on this season. That is good television, people.

Laila Ali rocks. She's surprisingly agile given the fact that she's built like Jason Taylor. (Hot piece of Miami Dolphins ass - damn I'm classy) Cliff from Cheers is on, too along with some Miss USA and Paulina Whatsherface, that model. No one else was memorable enough to write about. (that includes Leeza Gibbons who I have a problem with for the simple reason that she spells her name LEEZA and not Lisa like God intended)

Oh wait, I must report some tragic news. Billy Ray Cyrus (as in, My Achy Breaky Heart) has been attacked by a flat iron. No other victims have been claimed in this horrific attack. We'll have more to report next episode.



This promises to be a great season! Check out the cast bios here!