I need a hero...

Sweet lord Jesus, child. Who did this to you?



Oh Hayden. So young, so confused. You see, Hayden, I am in full support of sequins. If sequins were a political candidate I'd be kissing babies and adorning lawns with festive posters all in sequins' name.

I am a fan of jeans. I love jeans. As my friend Bill would say, I want to take jeans behind the school and get them pregnant.

And boots. Who doesn't love boots? Okay, in the interest of full disclosure I actually hate high boots because they never fit over my fat man-calves. But enough about my own emotional pain.

The point is, Hayden, this outfit is ATROCIOUS. And you're way too cute to be labeled atrocious. And I can't allow you to prance about in, what could've been a very cute dress over what could've been very cute jeans TUCKED INTO what could've been very cute boots. The key words here are COULD'VE BEEN. But now you've ruined them all.

This is tough love, Hayden darling. I hope I never have to say this to you again. Now go run along and play.