EW's Sexy Gone Wrong...

I love Entertainment Weekly. They ran an online article about the Least Sexy "Sexy Photos" of all time. Allow me to recap:

1. Fabio


They hit the nail on the head with this one. Quite frankly, NOTHING about Fabio attracts me. And when he started doing "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials he became even LESS attractive.

2. Courtney Cox-Arquette


Is it me or does she look like she has a penis in this picture? And I mean, this cannot be comfortable. And also, good lord God she's pale.

3. Mickey Rourke.


Okay, here's my problem with this. In that photo, Mickey's body looks pretty hot. His hair is brushed. He doesn't look like this:

So I'm going to go ahead and give Mickey a pass on this one.

4. Marilyn Manson


Marilyn Manson scares me. If I saw him in a dark alley I'd kick him in the shins, make the sign of the cross and run like hell to the nearest church, mosque or synagogue. (but I'm pretty sure that carpet he's laying on is the same one they have at the Amerisuites in Plano, Texas)

5. Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie Presley


Do I even need to comment on this photo? I think not. Quite possibly the LEAST sexy video ever made in the history of all music videos.

6. LaToya Jackson


Apparently this photo was taken at LaToya's house in New Jersey - a house she built using the proceeds of her Playboy magazine shoot. Damn, that's one classy lady, eh?

7. Jon Bon Jovi


I don't know. I think I maybe would've jumped into this jacuzzi shouting, "go ahead and arrest me, officer - I've been bad!"

8. Ms. Piggy


I think the point the author was trying to make here was that it's sort of creepy to be thinking sexy thoughts about an inanimate object - even one with the diva personality of Ms. Piggy. And I, for one, agree.

9. Peter Sellers


Body hair + Speedo + gold medallion = Denise's worst nightmare.

10. Elvira Mistress of the Dark


I think there are several men who were teenagers in the 80s who would really disagree that this is "un-sexy."

11. Alice Cooper


Oh. My. God. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. GET IT OFF HIM! No no, not the snake! The eye make-up! AAAAK!

I've saved my two favorites for last.

12. Courtney Love


Really? Un-sexy? What's unsexy about pairing Huggy Bear's coat, Mickey Rourke's haircut, Peter Seller's Speedo, Julia Roberts' boots from Pretty Woman, Tommy Lee's hepatitis and a glass of wine? Call me crazy but I just don't get it.

And last but CERTAINLY not least:

13. David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff


I don't know...I think this picture gives that one a run for its money.