An open letter to Eva Longoria...

Evita -
Yo no entiendo porque tu me mortificas. (I don't understand why you torment me so)

There's only so much that I can do for you as your fellow Latina. I saw you at the ALMA Awards earlier this year and told everyone how adorable and pretty and smart and funny and charming you were. Of course I commented on the fact that you're the approximate size of my left thigh but it was all in good fun.

And I love that fact that you don't play a maid or a hooker or some sort of cracked out Nuyorican on TV. Instead you play a sexy, wealthy, former model who happens to be Latina. You go girl.

Okay so I was kind of weirded out when you were dating that J.C. guy from N*Sync because...well, first he looks like the bald eagle from the Muppets, and second, he wrote a song with lyrics that included "Look at shorty, she was leaning on me. Getting horny. Maybe we'll get naughty." Mmm...nice.

But it's okay - we all make mistakes. I once dated a guy who, at the age of 30, was still wearing his highschool letterman jacket. So see? No one's perfect. (I'm referring to Mr. Letterman Jacket...not to myself...I'm as close to perfect as it gets, m'ija)

Anywho, my point is, I think that ours is a love/hate relationship with the scales tipping toward love. That is, until I saw this picture:



UGGs?!? UGGs?!? Don't even get me started about how I'm sure those horrific sorry excuse for boots are probably made by 5 year old Peruvian children who've also been forced to hunt and kill the llamas used to make them. But Eva, it's AUGUST. AUGUST, Eva.

I see all that water - that's why you're so thirsty. You're wearing dead llamas on your feet.

Ya. Para. No mas. Por favor! Gabrielle would NEVER be caught dead in those ugly things.

So I suggest you break into the wardrobe trailer and steal some of Gabrielle's Manolo's.

...and while you're in there, I wear a size 8.

Besos,
Denise