The Anti-Christ Has Cometh...

The four horsemen of the apocalypse should be arriving any minute now. Know how I know?

Hang on. This is hard for me to say – I can’t seem to get past the gag reflex. Paris Hilton…gag…is remaking…GAG…Rod Stewart’s…GAG GAG…”Do You Think I’m Sexy.” GURGLE, VOMIT, HEAVE, GAG.

The very thought of her writhing around in an outfit she borrowed from her Skipper doll, making breathy, overtly sexual innuendos about how hot she is makes me queasy.

"I have always had a voice and always known I could sing, but I was too shy to let it come out," Hilton was quoted as saying. "When I finally let go and did it, I realized it is what I am most talented at and what I love to do the most."

Shy? Paris Hilton is shy? You mean THIS Paris Hilton:



Hmm…interesting.

The first single on her album is called “Stars Are Blind.” Too bad it isn’t called “Denise is Deaf” because this is one time that I’d actually welcome a disability.