Who’s Laughing Now?

I have a fear. A phobia. An intense dislike. Of clowns.

What about clowns is funny? They’re just plain scary. Scary, I say!

Take a look at a few of the world’s most famous clowns and TRY not to agree with me.

1. Bozo The Clown

First and foremost, I’m pretty sure he could poke someone’s eye out with that hair. Notice how it looks like two horns sticking out of his head? Know who else has two horns? SATAN. Enough said.

2. Clarabell the Clown from Howdy Doody

I was not old enough to watch Howdy Doody but since the last actor to portray Clarabell died today, I got to see his picture. I don’t mean to disrespect the dead, but WTF? This is a CHILDREN’S show, people. Doesn’t this guy look sort of like a creepy uncle who insisted on hugging you too much and always smelled like salami and Marlboro Reds? Oh, and get this. Apparently he played the mute sidekick to a character called Buffalo Bill. What is this? Clown slavery? He’s some big macho dude’s bitch? I can’t support this.

3. Homey The Clown

I like a good laugh as much as the next girl, but remember Homey? He didn’t even try to HIDE his evil side. He beat children. He made fun of them. Humor and funny one-liners aside, Homey was mean. And a little scary. Denise don’t play that.

4. Krusty The Clown

He’s a jerk, he’s a loudmouth, he drinks too much, he’s sleazy…oh wait, I think I may have dated this guy back in college….

5. Ronald McDonald

Remember those commercials in which Ronald magically appeared in a bored child’s bedroom and made everything McTastic by dancing and making french fries rain from the sky? Ever wonder why he was so “conveniently” nearby? Ahem…stalker.

6. Pennywise from Stephen King’s IT.

No questions here. Pennywise is the definition of evil clown. He looks a whole lot like Bozo, huh? Just a different haircut and sharper teeth. Could this be Bozo’s long lost brother? You know what they say. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I was so traumatized by this movie that I couldn’t sleep for 2 days. And I was like 20 years old when I saw it. In fact, this picture scares me. I may have to delete this entry from my blog.

7. This guy…

I believe I’ve said all I need to say.

Oh, before I go. Want know what I hate even more than clowns? Clown statues.

Not cute. Not cute at all.