Tom Cruise freaks me out..

I'm sad ya'll. Where did Maverick go? Where did Cocktail Tom go?

God, I wanted to be Rebecca What's-Her-Face in Risky Business. I mean, yeah, she was a slut and all, but she got to hit it with Tom Cruise on the subway. (Okay so the subway scene kind of grosses me out. Watching it was not a turn on. I kept thinking, "Jeez, I hope they used some Clorox on those seats.")

Where was I? Oh yes. I can't play pool without spinning my stick around like Tom did in The Color of Money. And I can't hear "Old Time Rock N Roll" without wanting to take off my pants and slide around my apartment in my socks.

So how did we get to this?



First, what is UP with those bangs? BANGS? On Tom Cruise? No. No I just can't accept it. I think I've seen that haircut before. Where was it? Hmm...oh yes! I remember now!


Second - and I don't mean to pick on anyone's religious beliefs because that just isn't cool - but the whole "glib" Scientology thing is totally freaking me out. I'll be honest, I don't know much about Scientology and the propaganda on the official web site doesn't really tell me much. But what I do know is that L. Ron Hubbard looks like a 1970's B-list porn star and I feel very strongly that spiritual leaders should not look like B-list porn stars.


But I digress. My point is that I think Tom Cruise has lost his marbles. He's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, or crayon in the box, etc. He scares me. I think that if I ran into him in a dark alley I would probably run in the opposite direction. (which is sad because a few years ago HE was the one who would've had to do the running...growl...)

And Katie...um, sorry, KATE Holmes. Good god, woman. Run away. When they first got together I was reminded of when Nicolas Cage married Lisa Marie Presley and I theorized that he did so because he's a big Elvis collector and what better thing to have in your collection then some real live Elvis DNA? Maybe Katie...ugh, I mean, KATE had a Tom Cruise crush like mine and she's marrying him to be able to tell her MySpace friends that "Oh my god, you guys! I totally married Maverick!"

Interesting idea, though. Maybe I should start a collection of childhood crushes of my own. Here's who I'd like to collect:

1. John Schneider


2. Andrew McCarthy


3. Richard Dean Anderson


4. Every single cast member in "School Ties"


5. Sigh...



COLLECT ALL FIVE! TRADE 'EM WITH YOUR FRIENDS!