I hate my commute...

I hate my commute. Public transportation, though convenient, is exhausting. And dirty.

Maybe I'm a little crankier than usual this morning because it's starting to feel like the 5th layer of hell in this God forsaken city and my skirt keeps sticking to my ass. (I hate that)

You have to understand that I take trains, subways, buses, pack mules, etc. to get to work in the morning so I have various opportunities to be thoroughly annoyed by the brainlessness of my fellow commuters.

Take dilly-dalliers at places like Grand Central Station. I know half of you are asking yourselves, "dilly dalliers?" Dilly dally, lollygag, be a slow motherf-er too consumed by your own stupidity to realize that you're in everyone's way. Got it? Good.

The point is, everyone at Grand Central is running to catch a train. The operative word being “running.” Walking in a zig-zag pattern while staring up at the ceiling and talking on your cell phone is really f-ing annoying and it makes me want to trip you and then kick you while you're down and then pour my $5 grande skim sugar-free vanilla latte onto your crotch.

See what you've done? I'm a nice person but you've driven me to violence.

Other things that drive me insane - people who take more than 5 seconds to get on an escalator. Hi, they are stairs...that move...up and down. They don't bite.

I'm also amazed by people that have the most private of conversations while on a train crammed with dozens of other commuters.

To the woman sitting in front of me on today's 7:40am train to White Plains (in the unlikely event you're reading this): He doesn't like you because you are annoying, and because your voice is reminiscent of nails scraping against a chalkboard while jack hammers drill and a dozen toddlers scream bloody murder in the backdrop...with a Bjork CD playing. Yeah, it's that bad. Calling him 5 times this weekend after having 3 chocolate martinis and "oh my god I was so trashed I puked on my roommate’s beanbag chair" is not cool.

Yes, I hate my commute. But at least it affords me the time to write long winded rants like this one. So I suppose my pain is your gain.

Bastards.