Hey, guess who's engaged?

I'll give you a hint. It's not me.



They plan to get married in France next summer.

Chalk it up to PMS but I kind of hate them right now.

Sharing is caring! Kisses!

Can someone PLEASE get Clay a stylist?

For the love of Ryan Seacrest, what the hell is happening to this man's head? I mean, is it me or does his hair look almost feathered? Whatever it is this is just NOT a good look. I want the old Clay back...the cute nerdy guy with the spikey hair. The one that that other lame guy on the following season of Idol tried to copy. That's the Clay I know and love.

In other Idol news, Taylor Hicks is growing on me.



I know, I know. I can't even believe I'm saying it. But he is. In his dorky, awkward kind of way, Taylor is winning me over. It all started with his performance at the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting. He was adorable. His sound was great, the music was fun and spunky, his dance moves were horrible yet charming all at the same time.

Yes, it's true. I maybe HEART T.Hicks a little. In the immortal words of the Offspring, "he's pretty fly for a white guy."

JLo is breaking the "Latina rules."

No, not by wearing this head scarf. Unfortunately the scarf is very "Celia Cruz."



Life & Style magazine is reporting that Jennifer Lopez is turning to Scientology to help her get pregnant. Her good friend Leah Remini (also a Scientologist) is teaching her all about how the "religion" helped her get pregnant.

Okay, here's the thing, Jen. Latinos don't DO Scientology. We don't do aliens and weird rituals and silent childbirth. In fact, we don't do silent ANYTHING.

We don't do L. Ron Hubbard, we do Che and Fidel and Cesar. Revolutionaries, not SciFi writers! And as for bizarre rituals, unless you're talking about putting pennies into a coconut, bathing it in holy water and then throwing it into the East River, then no, we don't do rituals.

So listen, unless you want your Latina Card revoked, may I suggest you get it together, visit some Puerto Rican santero, light a damn candle, eat some arroz con gandules and call it a day.

My world is crashing down...

I thought the club-hopping, hoo-ha flashing days were just a phase. I thought she'd get over it after a few weeks. But now I see that my hopes have been dashed. I've officially lost Brit-Brit for good.

Here she is...last night...hanging with Brandon Davis, or as I like to think of him, "The Firecrotch Slayer."



Gross. Gross, gross, GROSS.

Oh and Brit? You got big post-pregnancy boobs now...may have to move to the nice size in button-down shirts. Kisses!

Anna Nicole...knocked up again?

Listen, I really feel for Anna Nicole Smith. Say what you will about her but it's clear she really loved her son and losing him must've been horrible.

That said (and you knew this was coming, didn't you?) I'm not sure this is a woman who should continue to procreate. Apparently Anna told Entertainment Tonight producers that she's pregnant again...that she's not ready but Howard (her lawyer-lover) wants a baby boy. Then she pulled a Lindsay Lohan and said she was just kidding...off camera.

So, um...well, there you have it. Anna Nicole may or may not be pregnant just a few months after having a baby girl. How very "Britney" of her.

Danny DeVito is a lush...

Did you guys see Danny DeVito's little "performance" on The View? (click here to see it)

Is it me or are all these celebrities just losing their minds. Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, Tom Cruise, Tracey Morgan (arrested for DUI this week), Snoop Dogg, Britney and her Crotch of Fame...now Danny DeVito.

GET IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE.

Ethan Embry will bust a cap in yo' ass...

Remember cute Ethan Embry from Can't Hardly Wait and Empire Records and Sweet Home Alabama? He's one bad mother f-er.

Sunday night in the driveway of his home, Ethan and his friend were mugged at gunpoint. He called police, ran into his house, grabbed his own gun and came out shooting at the muggers' SUV.

He grabbed his GUN. GUN. Sweet little Ethan Embry owns a gun...and he shoots it. At cars.

I have a new found respect for EE.

LiLo is a liar liar pants on fire.

Remember the story I posted earlier this week - the one that included the video of Lindsay Lohan telling X17 videographers that Paris Hilton hit her?

Now the whack job is saying, "Paris never hit me. She's my friend. Everyone lies about everything. ... Please, stop trying to make us hate each other."

Okay, that's it. Between this and your stupid LiLo doll and the time you called Paris the "c-word" and then denied it 5 seconds later, I can't be supportive of you any more you little lying sack of...sack of cocaine and vodka. I hope Paris hits you again. And maybe this time she'll knock some sense into you.

Oh Snoopy Snoop Snoop...

Snoop Dogg was arrested last night following a performance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The charges? Possession of a gun, cocaine and marijuana, as well as having a false compartment in a vehicle.

Oh Snoop, where did we go wrong? Let's look at the laundry list of...dare we say, "mistakes" from your not too distance past.

October 2006: Arrested at Burbank Airport for being a felon in possession of a firearm and transportation of a controlled substance. Three guesses as to what the controlled substance was. Give you a hint. It rhymes with steed. Wow, I had no idea Snoop was into pot...I wonder what tipped the authorities off?



September 2006: Charged with possessing a deadly weapon after airport authorities in Santa Ana, CA confiscated a 21-inch collapsible baton from his laptop case. I don't know what shocks me more - the fact that he was so brazenly carrying this on a plane or the fact that Snoop has a laptop. I mean, I don't know - weird.

May 2006: Snoop and five other dudes are charged with starting a brawl at Heathrow Airport in London. Seven police officers injured after Snoop's posse is denied entry into the first-class lounge. I feel ya, Snoop. Sometimes, when I don't get my upgrade, I want to throw down too. Livin' the dream, brother. Livin' the dream.

1996: Aquitted of murder (MURDER!) in the death of a gang member who was shot from the vehicle Snoop was traveling in. Whoa, whoa, whoa. A little doobage is one thing, murder is a whole 'nother. Simmer down, Snoop.

1993: Snoop pleads guilty to having a gun at a traffic stop. Gets three years' probation, a $1,000 fine and makes public service announcements that denounced violence. Um, riiiiiiight. Glad to see that worked out for you, Snoopy.

1990: Convicted of a felony narcotics possession charge for trying to sell cocaine.

Sniff, we have so much history together, Snoop. I feel like I know you. Now run along and try to behave, okay?

X-tina's had a rough night...

It took me awhile to figure out what I was looking at here. And then it came to me - in an all too familiar wave of recognition.

This is Christina Aguilera being carried out of a bar by one of her body guards.



Where can I get one of those?

My dream has come true!

The BBC is reporting:

A museum dedicated to Swedish pop group Abba is to open in Stockholm in 2008, organisers have said. Outfits and instruments used by the band will be on display along with handwritten song lyrics. "It is nice someone feels compelled to take on our musical history," the group said in a statement. It took organisers two years to convince the foursome, who continue to sell nearly three million records each year, that the project was a good idea.

Hooray! Not familiar with Abba? Leave this site AT ONCE!

KIDDNG, KIDDING! Click here to learn more!

Update to a post!

You know that bad picture of Paris Hilton that I posted the other day?



Well, turns out the other woman in the picture was Nicole Richie. How do I know? Someone took a GOOD picture:

Pregnancy rumors...

Latest pregnancy rumors:

1. Nicole Kidman (siiiiiiiiigh...this is a rumor once a month)
2. Kirsten Dunst (not sure I'm buying...especially because it's Star magazine reporting)
3. Jennifer Love Hewitt (um, who cares?)

The Christmas Pickle flies again...

My friend Jennifer snapped this photo at LA's Christmas Parade this weekend. It's a pickle balloon. Because nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a Christmas pickle.



HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Animal lover...

Meet Wisconsin-resident Bryan James Hathway, a guy who really loves animals.



He loves them SO much, in fact that he was prosecuted for having sex with a deer. Bryan, being the savvy legal-eagle he is is arguing that he cannot be prosecuted for having sex with a deer...because the deer was dead at the time and "the term 'animal' refers to a living organism, not a carcass."

I'm going go vomit now. If you'd like to read the whole story, click here. May the lord be with you.

Top 100 TV Catch Phrases...

TV Land has compiled a list of the Top 100 TV Catch Phrases. Click here to see the full list.

My personal favorites are:

"Holy (whatever), Batman!" (Robin, "Batman")

"Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, "In Living Color")

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer ad)

"Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, "Saturday Night Live")

"Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, "Welcome Back, Kotter")

"Welcome to the O.C., bitch" (Luke, "The O.C.")

"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")

Damn that Borat...

Could Borat be the reason Pammy and Kid broke up? DAMN BORAT! Breaking up a happy home!

From Page Six:

“Ron Meyer held a screening of ‘Borat’ at his house for a bunch of people, including Pam and Bob,” says an Anderson pal. “It was the first time Bob [Kid Rock] had seen the movie, and, well, he didn’t like it.”

The hugely popular film shows Sasha Baron Cohen - in character as Borat Sagdiyev - falling in love with Anderson after seeing her in a “Baywatch” rerun, then driving across America in order to propose marriage to her.

Her friend tells Page Six, “Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, ‘You’re nothing but a whore! You’re a slut! How could you do that movie?’ - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

“Pam thought he could have a sense of humor about the movie. She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie. And on the eve of what was supposed to be a very positive thing, he made it an awful night.

“Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them,” the friend relates. “Bob is just a very unhappy and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know, there are reasons why she never married him before. Those reasons disappeared while they were together on a boat in St. Tropez, but she knows now that they never went away. The reality is he is an insecure, angry man….

“Pam is just very happy to not be in the same house with so much passive-aggressive hostility in it,” the friend adds.

Props to VicBeck....

You've got to give Victoria Beckham props. She manages to go out in public practically naked without actually being practically naked. Don't understand what I mean?



I see London, I see France...

The Scientology Blues...

From The Sydney Morning Herald:

A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Tom's got a great voice. And he loves that song ever since his Top Gun character Maverick sang it to woo his love interest Kelly McGillis. Katie proved how talented she is musically when she performed in The Singing Detective remake." Tom's vocal talents did not go unnoticed by several music producers who attended his wedding, and the couple have apparently been offered staggering sums to sign an exclusive record deal.

Is this a joke? Am I being Punk'd? Is this Candid Camera? Does that show still exist?

So many questions running through my mind right now. The first of which is of course how can I get an audio file of their first single posted to this blog!

Another one bites the dust...

Reese and Ryan, Britney and Kevin. Now Pam and Kid.

Yes it's true. Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing after four months of marriage.



Seriously, I'm over these celebrity marriages.

Song lyrics of the week!

It's time for a new regular post on BWOT - the Song Lyrics of the Week!

And first up, from Akon's "Smack That" we have this:



I feel you creeping, I can see you from my shadow
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like tae-bo
and possibly bend you over look back and watch me
Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oooh!

Just kick it like Tae-Bo...I mean, it's brilliant. And I would expect nothing less from an Eminem protege. I shall make this my wedding song.

Um, huh?

Yesterday LiLo was leaving Paris "hate videos" and now (as of 5am this morning) they're buddies again.



Is it me or is LiLo starting to look kind of George Hamilton-esque? And P.S. who looks that "fresh faced" at 5am after a long night of partying? Something is afoot.

Bird's nest...

Someone get Courtney Love a VO5 Hot Oil treatment...STAT.



And while you're at it, can you do something about her man hands?

Lots of celeb sightings...bad pictures...

Last week's celeb sightings included James Blunt at The Beverly Hilton and Paris Hilton at The Farmer's Market in Hollywood.



Yes, I know. I'm a brilliant photographer.

It's not the attitude...it's the boots.

Sienna Miller's attitude may suck (remember her little Shitsburg comment?) but that's not really the reason I can't stand her.

THIS is the reason I can't stand her.



I can't quite figure out what look she's going for there. I'm fairly certain she's wearing the belt part of a pair of lederhosen. Those boots look like something out of Bootsy Collins' reject closet.



The hat is just plain ridiculous. I kind of hate the fact that she clearly thinks she's cool enough to get away with just about anything. I beg to differ, Sienna.

Okay wait. Are they or aren't they friends?

I think Lindsay Lohan needs a new friend. Apparently she was attacked by her old one.



Click here to watch her mini-rant.

But at least now we know who Paris has replaced Lindsay with.



I'm sorry, I thought Halloween was last month? What's up with the outfit, Brit?

AMA: My favorite outfits...

Say what you want about Sharon Stone but DAMN that woman's got a body on her.



I'm not thrilled about the color of the dress as it's way too close to the color of her skin. (lay off the self tanner, Sharon) But she looks sexy and glam so we'll let it go.

And hey! Is it me or does it look like Nicole Richie has gained a few pounds? Good for her!



I just have one question. Where did she get that bra and how can I get my hands on one. Oh my GOD! I mean, we all know she's totally flat chested. We've seen the pictures. But look at those! Amazing! Like, Nobel Peace Prize for Science amazing!

Next up, Flava Flav.



Sigh...YES, WE GET IT. Now go away.

Okay, you KNOW I love Gwen Stefani and think she pull off things that are simply not made for human wear, but this is a week bit too much.



IDontLikeYouInThatWay captured it best saying she looks like a "1980s coke whore." Now, I may not know much, but I think it's safe to say that "coke whore" isn't a look one should strive for.

But my real concern is this ensemble worn by Beyonce, someone I just love.



Um, was there a bottom half to that "dress?" Was it at one point a sensible tunic/pant combo? Look at what happens when she sits down!



OMG. She's wearing a satin pocket square. For the love of...

...did her mother approve that? I think not.

Britney Spears visits a divorce lawyer...SNL style.

Okay, I love Saturday Night Live. Always have, always will. And this bit nearly made me pee my pants. Enjoy!

I just don't get it...

How did Val Kilmer become this guy?

More TomKat wedding pictures...

Aw, she looks quite happy...and high, doesn't she?







I'm a hateful, bitter shrew, aren't I?

Little Leo? A hero?

Get this! Apparently, while in South Africa filming a movie, Leo DiCaprio was having lunch with costar Djimon Hounsou (Hottie McHottiePants from Amistad) when a man with a gun approached them threatening to shoot Djimon. Leo stepped in front of him and said something along the lines of "well you're going to have to go through me." The attacker fled the scene.

Um, really? It's true according to Celebitchy, a great blog I just discovered. And apparently Leo refuses to comment which makes me think one of the following is true:

A. He's incredibly modest - a saint, really - and we should all be in awe of his blonde, ethereal greatness.
B. This is a hunk of bull but his publicist told him not to confirm or deny and leave people with their own, made-up images of heroic action.

Either way, Leo's lookin' mighty fine these days so I'm going to choose to believe option A.

Holy lord, Michael Richards is insane...

Unless you're living under a rock you've heard about Michael "Kramer" Richard's horrible tirade at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles.

If you haven't seen it for yourself, click here.

Last night he went live via satelitte on Letterman. Click here to watch his not-so-funny apology which, I believe, is equally insane.

I've missed her so!

Bai!! Where've you been all my life? I've missed you so!



Aw, Bai...flashing nipple for old time's sake. You big softy, you. Come give us a hug.

An open letter to Britney Spears Federline once removed...

My dearest Brit -

Britney. Really? Sigh...Britney, Britney, Britney. You were showing so much promise for a minute there. You dumped that loser, mooch, low class, wannabe pimp. You are looking toned, looking healthy. I thought, "Good for B! She's trying to pick up her life - focus on herself and the things that are important to her!"

Perhaps I should've clarified, lovely Britney. By "important" I was referring to things like your health and your INFANT CHILDREN. I was not - FYI - referring to chain smoking and stripping.

Uh huh. Sure you don't know what I'm talking about. Go ahead, play dumb. Shall I refresh your memory?

Okay! Then let's play a little game I like to call "Pants vs. No Pants!" Here's how we play. I'll show you two pictures - one at the start of the evening, one taken toward the end of the night. You tell me what's different. Got it? Okay! Here we go:



Hmmm...same weave...



...same companion, same shirt...wait a minute! There it is! NO PANTS. Where are your pants, Britney?

According to TMZ, you were too busy partying at Tryst in Las Vegas to notice that you'd lost your satin knickers. Apparently in Kentwood, Louisiana sashaying around in fishnet stockings while flashing club-goers all the bits and pieces God gave you is acceptable behavior for a mother of two.

Do me a favor, Brit? Save that "I'm only 20-something" bullshit for someone who cares. You know what? Save it for Lindsay Lohan. At least she can act like a tramp without having to set her alarm clock for a 4:00 a.m. breast feeding.

Do the free world a favor, Brit. Put on some pants, go home, burn the weave and raise some babies.

With love,
D

This makes me physically ill...

I can't even write about it because it makes me want to throw up.

So here, read CNN's account for yourselves.

Here's a quote: "O.J. Simpson created an uproar Wednesday with plans for a TV interview and book titled "If I Did It" -- an account the publisher pronounced "his confession" and media executives condemned as revolting and exploitive.

Fox, which plans to air an interview with Simpson Nov. 27 and 29, said Simpson describes how he would have committed the 1994 slayings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman, 'if he were the one responsible.'"

Cyanide & Happiness...

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Some people aren't meant to be skinny...

I like to think I'm one of those people...but that's neither here nor there. What I know for a fact is that Star Jones is not one of those people. Don't believe me? Check out this photo from the Dancing With The Stars after party.

Karma is a bitch...

True story. Britney Spears dumps K-Fed, goes to Vegas and, after a long night of partying with Mario Lopez, hits the casino and wins $10,000 playing blackjack.

I don't know what annoys me most about this story - (A) the fact that she's out partying in Vegas while her INFANT SON(S) sit at home with mom and/or the nanny (or manny...whatever it is she's got these days), or is it (B) the fact that she doesn't need the $10k, probably thought nothing of it, and then used it to buy a diamond studded gun-rack for her momma's pick-up?

Okay, so I made that gun-rack part up. But you know what I mean.

Golden Goggles...I'm a'lookin' and I'm a'liking...

I was just saying to myself, "I wonder what Gil Bellows is up to?" I'm sure you can relate.

You know Gil. From Ally McBeal?



Well lo and behold, who do I see in Beverly Hills tonight? Gil Bellows, in all his glory...only with less hair. A presenter at the 2006 Golden Goggles Awards.





(I was with work colleagues so I couldn't get a good shot...discreetly)

Anywho, I suppose that begs the question, "What the F is a Golden Goggle?"

Well, my friends, I'm glad you asked. Basically, the GGs (as I like to call them) are the Academy Awards of swimming. Think that's lame? I thought so too...that is until I met him:



Hello, lover. That's Aaron Piersol, my newest obession and the man I'm one day sure to be arrested for stalking. Me likey. Seeing Aaron reminded me of why I'm drawn to the swimming competition come Olympics time.

Aaron is one reason. Brendan and Michael's abs...two more reasons.





And so I say, GOOD FOR YOU, GIL BELLOWS! Cheers! Rah, rah, rah! Keep up the good work!