The Price is Wrong, bitch...

After 35 magical years, Bob Barker will hang up his weirdly skinny microphone as host of the Price is Right.

This makes me feel sad. And old.

Click here to read the whole article.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, readers! This is such a fun day, isn't it? A chance for grown adults to dress like fools or sluts. Let's discuss. When I'm not wasting time blogging about random and unimportant topics, I work at a fairly conservative company. Today I've seen the following "characters" walking the halls - a sexy pirate complete with bustier and breasts-a-plenty. A sexy police woman - more breasts-a-plenty and a side order of thighs. A sexy pirate wench...clearly slutty pirates are the costume of choice for today's most discriminating LA girl.

Anywho, I just want to understand what it is about Halloween that makes adult women think it's acceptible to dress like a drunken sorority girl. (note to self: good costume idea for next year - drunken sorority girl)

Whatever. I've moved on.

Let's see what some of our favorite celebrities decided to dress up as!

Janet Jackson: Mental patient. Clever, J! And so "you!"


Sandra Bullock: Killer tomato. Very retro, Sandy!


Nelly Furtado: Wipe-ola, Queen of the Toilet Paper Rolls.


Posh Beckham: A wax statue of herself. Oh Vic...I'll need you to try a bit harder next year.


Mischa Barton: A white Grace Jones circa 1985. Way to not be limited my race (or gender?), Mischa!


Lil' Kim: My aunt Estella at the beach in Central Florida in 1987. Where DID you manage to find the exact same bathing suit??


Brooke Hogan: The ghost of Britney Spears. Maybe try chaps and body oil next time. Or wife-beaters and foot fungus.


Lindsay Lohan: An Oscar statuette...the only way that face tan can be explained.


K-Fed: The guy from the "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" video.

Living hard...

You all know that I love Pam Anderson. I mean, she's a character alright. Love her. I will say, however, that at the Bay Watch DVD launch party the other day Pam looked might...well, "worn" shall we say?



I think that's her hair minus the extensions. And I love the lipstick outside the natural lip line. I don't know what's going on but someone needs to paint another layer of spackle over her to freshen her up.

Happy politically incorrect Halloween!

Here's the thing. I realize Bill Mahr's show is called "Politically Incorrect with Bill Mahr" but really? This is taking that a bit too far in my estimation.



In case you haven't figured it out, he's dressed as Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter...with a stingray barb through his chest.

That ain't right, people. Ain't right at all.

Next pseudo-celebrity sighting...

Behold a fun B-list celeb sighting...Kelly Perdew, winner of "The Apprentice: Season 2" drinking a Stella Artois at Nic's in Beverly Hills.



What you can't see from this picture (because my friend Julie stuck her arm in the way) is Kelly groping some blonde woman while dropping "George" and "Donald's" names every other word.

Check out his personal site in case you need your memory jogged.

Is nothing sacred?

Check out this story from one of my favorite web sites, TheSmokingGun.com. The DEA just busted up a big drug-running operation in Colorado.

What's so sacrilegious about that, you ask? They were using Elmo dolls to run the meth and THAT, my friends is just plain WRONG.

DEA photos:



Don't use cute, fuzzy, harmless characters to run drugs.

This has been an unpaid public service announcement by Big Waste of Time.

The invasion of Chyna...

Hmm...I wonder what female wrestler Joanie "Chyna" Lauer is up to these days?



Ah, yes...er...that's an interesting outfit selection. I mean, we all know how I love those foam trucker hats...and fishnets...and clothes that don't fit...and wierd use of belts. But I mean, it's Chyna, right? She's got spunk, she's sassy, she's a character, she's...



..SHOWING ME WAY TOO MUCH OF HER CROTCH. Not okay, Chyna. Not okay.

Has Brad Pitt lost his mind?

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Brad Pitt said he kept himself and his co-stars entertained on the set of his movie Babel but giving himself wedgies and walking around like a duck.

No, I'm not making this up.

"Cate (Blanchett) called it the Hungry Bum. When your bum's so hungry it's trying to eat your pants."

I think he needs to spend a bit of "me" time - perhaps without the children? He seems to be picking up his 6 year old's habits.

Avril, Avril, Avril...

Listen, we've all had nights like this, haven't we?





So let's not judge lest we be judged.

...Okay, who am I kidding? CLOSE YOUR LEGS, YOU SKINNY LITTLE TEEN-ANXST RIDDEN PIECE OF ANGRY TRASH!

Yet another target for my wrath...

Evil has a new face. Five of them, to be precise.



Do you music industry schmos have any idea how long it took me to accept The Pussycat Dolls? Why are you intent on shoving these even less talented hacks in my face? I'm reminded of when the fat, creepy Uncle Vito-looking guy, Lou Reed tried to capitalize on the success of N*Sync and Backstreet Boys by creating that lame, red-headed stepchild of a boy band, O-Town. LAME. LAME, LAME, LAME.

But back to Danity Kane, otherwise known as the Wenches of Satan. That damn Show Stopper song - THAT SONG! Painful. They're not even SINGING!! They're just...well, just talking all breathy like. PAINFUL!!

Don't believe me? Read the mother f-ing lyrics and TRY to tell me that it's not the dumbest song on the planet. Oh, and if you can, please explain to me what a "jin-jon" is:

We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
(Danity Kane)
The boys stare, we smile back
(Jin-jon)
All my girls in the rainbow (let's stare boys) Cadillacs, yeah

[Aubrey:]
Show stoppin' at the latest spot
The ride shinin' with the open top
Hydraulics make our heads go nod
Hair blowin' in the breeze
Yo, we superstars

[D. Woods:]
Put in the keys, make that engine purr
3 in the back, one in the passenger
Slow creepin', 'cause we look that fly
All the boys tryin' taste our candy ride

[Hook, Shannon lead vocal:]
We in the car, we ride slow
We doin' things that the girls don't do
The boys stare, we smile back
All my girls in the rainbow Cadillacs, yeah

[Chorus:]
Bet you ain't never seen (hey)
Chicks ridin' this clean (hey)
Louis Vuitton seats (oh, oh, oh)
We do it deadly
This how we keep it poppin' (hey)
Make sure that bass knockin' (hey)
So when you see us ridin' (oh, oh, oh)
We call it show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
We show stoppin'
We show, show stoppin'
That's how we keep it poppin' (hey)
Make sure that bass knockin' (hey)
So when you see us ridin' (oh, oh, oh)
We call it show stoppin'

[Aundrea:]
We sittin' on 22s plus 2
Mink bucket seats, neon blue
Color coordinate with them shoes
Yeah, we divas
But we ride like big boys do

[D. Woods:]
Black tinted with a white stripe interstate
Lookin' in the mirror at my Bad Boy fitted, yup
Show stoppin' 'til they lose their breath
Turn the wheel to the right
Turn the wheel to the left

[Hook, Shannon lead vocal]

[Chorus]

[Dawn:]
This is for my ladies in the 280s Mercedes
In the H3, Baby Ranges, Bentley Coupes, my Escalades
Say oh (oh), oh (oh, oh)
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper

[Group, Dawn lead vocal:]
This is for my chicas with the Beamers A6s
'67 Chevys, Maserati, or a Lexus
Say oh, (oh), oh (oh,oh )
Break 'em off somethin' proper
Like a real show stopper

[Young Joc (x2):]
Gon' jingle them keys
Gon' jingle them keys
Put em' up real high
Make sho' erbody see em'
One time (one time)
Two time (two time)
Three time (three time)
Four time (four time)

Why is she so angry?

Have you seen this woman?



If so, duck.

Can SOMEONE please explain to me why Naomi Campbell is so damn angry all the time? She's been arrested AGAIN for assaulting a woman. (read here)

I mean, come on! What is this? Like, the 74th time she's been charged with assault? Really - in 2006 she went to court in NYC for allegedly throwing a phone at a maid. In 2003 she was sued by her former assistant who accused her of throwing a - what else? - a phone at her while in a Beverly Hills hotel. Then in 2000 she pleaded guilty in Toronto to beating her assistant while making a film.

So I ask again, what in the hell is she so freakin' angry about? What? She's TOO gorgeous and can't take the pressure? Or maybe she's just TOO rich and doesn't know what to do with all her money? Or perhaps there are just TOO many men who want to be with her - she doesn't know who to choose?

Eew. I just made myself nauseous.

I'm always the last to know...

So remember that fight between Dr. Burke and Dr. McDreamy on the set of Grey's Anatomy? Well, Isaiah Washington (Burke) has apologized for his behavior, especially the part where he used a homophobic slur while talking about T.R. Knight's character, George O'Malley.



So I'm reading today's article when I get to the part about T.R. being gay in real life.

Huh? How come I was the last to know? Apparently he came out last week.

"I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there," T.R. said in a statement. "I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me."

I mean, good for you T.R. for not being all weird about it. I just...well, I mean, you could've told me! Instead I had to find out like this? On CNN.com? How pedestrian! I thought we meant something to each other. This hurts a little. I won't lie to you.

Sniff.

It's okay. I still love you. And I will forgive. Eventually.

P.S. Are you going to hit it with Izzy eventually? I think I would like that.

Next celeb sighting...

Oh.
My.
God.
YOU GUYS.

So, I'm having dinner at Orso and washing down a too-salty salad with my third glass of Chianti when who should walk in the door with "their people" but Courtney Cox and David Arquette.



No, I didn't take that photo with my camera phone. And it's not that I was slacking off. Wait! Let me explain.

So, I'm whispering to my dining companion (hi KD!) about how pretty Courtney is in person and trying to figure out the best way to snap a photo of them when they're sitting like 4 tables behind me when my mojo was thrown off by THE ONE AND ONLY CLINT F-ING EASTWOOD.



CLINT EASTWOOD, PEOPLE. I froze! I mean, the man is a legend! And not in the way Jon Bon Jovi is a legend (read: posters torn out lovingly from Big Bopper magazine and taped up on my bedroom walls) but a real bonafide legend.

So I froze. I FROZE, OKAY? I'm HUMAN! But it was CLINT! And I couldn't disrespect Clint F-ING Eastwood by whipping out the ol' camera phone, now could I?

Sorry readers. You'll have to make due with the generic pulled from the web photos today. I promise I will get it together next time.

Smile for the camera!

Yoo hoo! Lindsay! Hey, Linds! Over here!



No. Here. HERE!! Right HERE! Pssst! Linday! Right in front of you! Look toward the flashing lights. Yes. The LIGHTS. THE LIGHTS, LINDSAY! See them? No?

For the love of....

Okay, let's try this again. You're at a red carpet event. We're photographers. We're taking pictures of you.

...

PICTURES. PICTURES, LINDSAY. The kind in magazines. IN MAGAZINES!!

HERE! LOOK AT ME, DAMN IT!

Sigh...I give up...

Red carpet no-nos....

I love looking at red carpet photos. Celebrities usually look so polished, so well put together, so pretty...

...unless that celebrity happens to be Courtney Love and then she looks like a used Vegas cocktail lounge waitress...



...with massive amounts of collagen in her lips.

Then there's this laughable ensemble worn by Penelope Cruz who I seriously dislike but will admit is usually quite pretty.



This picture brings back memories. I'm reminded of family dinners back in Miami at a little restaurant on Calle Ocho called Casa Juancho. Oh yes. Casa Juancho. The kind of Spanish-themed restaurant that had large slabs of meat hanging as decoration. Penny looks an awful lot like the waiters there.



The frizzy hair and smeared eye make-up...so authentic! As if she was slaving away over a hot stove (or "orno" as the Spanish call it) all day. I detect a waiter theme in this post!

You heard it here first, folks. Dressing like your favorite waiter is the next thing. Get on it.

Gentleman, some advice on preventative measures please?

Ah ha! The other side of the story...

You know that picture of Kate Moss with a bloody hand and questionable bodily fluids on her leg?



Voila! Here's father of the year, Pete Doherty getting into a fist fight in Paris.

Jeez...wonder what the other guy looked like.

Odd choice!

Now here's the thing. I may not always like what LiLo is wearing but at least she's always putting some effort into her ensembles. I mean, she always looks like she's trying - granted, sometimes she's TRYING to look like a whore, but at least she's TRYING.

That's why this photo surprises the crap out of me. Did she find herself doing the walk of shame from some guy's apartment and thought she was cool enough to make his t-shirt double as a mini-dress as long as she paired it with tall boots and a cute handbag?





That's my guess. Works like a charm, LiLo. Works like a charm.

Further proof that Kate Moss is a train wreck...

What in God's good name is going on in this picture?



If I'm not mistaken there's blood on her right hand, someone is grabbing her boob, and it appears she's peed herself.

Oh, did I mention that there are reports she's pregnant with Pete Doherty's baby? Yeah, that's a healthy family to bring a child into.

Good god...

Just when I thought Kate Bosworth couldn't get any thinner and sickly looking, here she is at the Tommy show in Paris.



Also at the show, Lindsay Lohan looking very much the angry Parisian tramp.

Shiloh Alert!

Is it weird to anyone else that they're constantly photographed with Maddox and Zahara but they go to extremes to hide baby Shiloh from the media? What gives?

Reverse ass cheek...

Perhaps you recall a post back in August in which I posed a very important question. Namely, what the F was happening in these photos.

And though some of you explained the situation to me, I still marvel at the visual phenomena that occurs when one photographs a woman from this angle. I'm wondering if Nicole Richies marvels as well?



At least she's wearing underwear - something for which I, for one, am grateful.

Scott Storch is a tool...

Behold these lovely photos sent to me by my sister. (thanks, Mo!) They're from the Heatherette show at Fashion Week in Miami.

Through these pictures I learned two things, really.

1. Nicki Hilton has pretty hair.
2. Scott Storch is a tool.



If you're like me, you vaguely remember Scott being linked to...um, someone blonde and slutty and who I'm really trying to avoid speaking negatively about. Well I took the liberty of doing a bit of research on Storch the Torch and found out a disturbing little tid bit.

This musician turned producer has been romantically linked to - ohmigosh, this is so good - Lil Kim, Queen Latifah, aforementioned slutty blonde and...ready for this? Jenny Jones.



Yeah, THAT Jenny Jones. I mean, forget the fact that she's like 57 years older than he is, what I wanna know is, did anyone know Jenny was such a freak?

Still, I don't know what would make any woman want to have sex with this man. Need more information?

Here:



Grandpa Ira? Is that you?

A brief memo to LiLo...

MEMO

To: Lindsay Lohan
From: BWOT Editors
RE: Inappropriate use of turtleneck

Ms. Lohan -
It has come to our attention that you have gravely misunderstood the concept of the turtleneck. In fact, our sources suggest that you're confused about what constitutes fall/winter wear and what constitutes something you might wear to a porn star funeral.

For example, just because a shirt has a turtle neck doesn't mean it's instantly conservative. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if I can see your nipples through said "turtleneck" then it's not really a shirt at all. Perhaps you'd be so kind as to reconsider your choice of fall/winter wear so that critical parts of your body are not exposed to the blistering and frigid temperatures of Southern California.

All the best,
BWOT

P.S. We do, however, thank you for pointing out that you're showing, NOT ONE, but TWO nipples.

I am officially traumatized...

I don't even know what to say about this. A video of what can only be described as a Disney character orgy.

Good lord god. Click here.

Celebriting Sighting...Part Deux

Ooooh, this is a DOOZY.

Saturday night. Sky Bar at the Mondrian Hotel. Sipping my drink, watching people NOT DANCE...(seriously...what's up with that? People here are too cool to dance. I don't like it)...and who should walk right by me, make eye contact and smile?

Jon Bon Jovi.

Now, I was a teen in the early 90s so this is a REALLY big deal. JBJ was a crucial part of my formative years. Livin' On A Prayer? Now THAT'S quality music. In fact, Slippery When Wet just might be one of the best albums of all time. (maybe)

And you guys know how dedicated I am to this blog, right? So when JBJ walked over to his cabana on the opposite side of the pool, I thought I could be discreet and snap a picture. What I got was this:



Bummer. But I swear the black outline on the right is him.

He's REALLY blonde. REALLY blonde. But he's also very cute - though I'm pretty sure he either has caps on his teeth or has had the chompers seriously whitened because I was nearly blinded by his pearly whites when he walked by.

And I'm not suggesting he had plastic surgery or botox or anything, but his skin is really smooth. It's as if he's "Livin' On A Prayer" John only with a freakishly blonde wig.

...and I like it.

I will not justify this with a full story...

Read for yourself. Adopting children because it's trendy is NOT cool.

I feel your pain, Ro...I feel your pain.

I love Rosario Dawson and Jason Lewis. In every photo I see of them they look happy and, dare I say, normal. They're playing outside, they're riding bikes, they're having dinner...like a normal couple. It's freakin' adorable, is what it is.

But having said that, you know what I don't like? Rosario's new bangs:



Full disclosure - twice in my life I had bangs like this. One time I fell victim to a too-trendy hairstylist who lulled me into a false sense of security with oolong tea and water with lime and orange slices in it. (I'm sucker for fancy water) That was not a good day.

The other time was when I decided to cut my own bangs in 8th grade. "Hmm...they look uneven. I'll just trim the right side to straighten it out. Hmm...still uneven. Okay, I'll trim the left side a bit and..."

You get the picture.

In my opinion, microbangs make women look like the Barbie dolls we had as a child. You know what I'm talking about? After we tried to style Barbie's hair with that horrible plastic brush and our own Scrunchi collection? And she'd have a blonde fro and bangs that stuck straight up in the air?

Yeah, not so glam after that, was she.

Now I kind of feel bad...

In a recent interview with US Weekly, Tara Reid talked about her botched plastic surgery - her boob job and stomach liposuction gone horribly wrong.

She talked about this photo:



"I was on Web sites as having the ugliest boob job in the world. I was devastated."

She talked about how it affected her ability to get work, her self esteem, her relationships with men. It's actually all pretty sad. And for that reason, I almost feel bad about picking on her.

HOWEVER, bad self esteem does NOT excuse outfits like this:



And that's all I have to say about that.

A hot doc sandwich...

Have you heard this one already? Isaiah Washington (Dr. Burke) and Patrick Dempsey (Dr. McDreamy) got into a real life scuffle on the set of Grey's Anatomy. A fight that led to Dr. Burke CHOKING Dr. McDreamy.



First and foremost, other than fabulous hair and eyes that make me want to give him a Code Blue, Dr. McDreamy doesn't do it for me. Dr. Burke, on the other hand, with those lips and that brooding intellectualism...YES, PLEASE! Can I get an AMEN!

Though the two men's publicists say that everyone has kissed and made up, I, for one, am left with one critical question.

Where was Dr. McSteamy in all this?



Or Chris O'Donnell for that matter.



And why doesn't Chris have a McSomething knickname? He does play a vet and, last time I checked, that is a doctor. So he should be a Dr. McSomething, no?

Come to think of it, why doesn't Dr. Burke have a McSomething nickname? Maybe because his character isn't "cute" - he's manly and saucy and manly, saucy doctors don't need "cute" nicknames. Yes. Let's stick with that theory.

In the meantime, here are some ideas for Chris O'Donnell's nickname in keeping with the veterinarian theme.

1. Dr. McPuppy-Pants
2. Dr. McDrool
3. Dr. McFuzzy
4. Dr. McScruffy
5. Dr. McWannaPetYa

Any other suggestions?